Turns out, chia is way more than just fuzzy green hair on potted animals.

It’s a seed native to Mexico & Guatemala, once a staple of Mayan diets. They may be wrong about the whole 2012 apocalypse business, but it seems like they got this one right.

Chia seeds reportedly have 500 times the calcium as milk, and the same omega-3 content as salmon. (At ~$6 per bag of ground seeds, this is great news for your wallet– no more looking at the wild alaskan at Whole Foods with sad eyes!) Chia’s packed with more protein than flax seeds and even some meats. And of course, let’s not forget about the fiber. Fiber is not just for our parents, people. Eat up.

All in all, it seems to pack more punch per pinch.

A pinch. Is a pinch all it really takes? Actually, yes. The recommended daily amount is ~1 ounce, or a couple spoonfuls. I read that it has a nutty flavor. I’d guess it would make a nice addition sprinkled over some veggies, or easily mixed in a smoothie. It being the season of oatmeal, I think this is where I will start my experiments. Or yogurt. I mean come on, how amazing does this look:

So how ’bout it. Anyone want to try this out with me?

AUNT JEMIMA

Now, some people grow up in “pop” households instead of soda. Some people learned to put ketchup on their eggs. I was taught that the Mrs. Butterjemima family was sacrilege. Sweet sweet maple is where it’s at, from the great Canadian North down through the state of Vermont.

“But the syrup was, like, 10 bucks. And this was only 2,” was the argument.

“And do you know why it’s 2 dollars?” was mine.

Now accused of being a snob, I must turn to the facts. The facts are these.

INGREDIENTS:
Corn Syrup, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Water, Cellulose Gum, Caramel Color, Salt, Benzoate and Sorbic Acid, Artificial and Natural flavors, Sodium Hexametaphosphate (say whaaaat?)

And what’s in my Trader Joe’s organic maple syrup that I picked up for $7?
Syrup. FROM A TREE.

I wouldn’t classify myself as “gung-ho” on the organic movement, but I try to make better choices where I can. So I ask myself. How much does $5 matter here? How much damage does a HFCS concoction REALLY do, versus natural sugar? Sugar is sugar right? Well, not really.

Sugar Crash… Course

There are many different molecules which fall under the “sugar” umbrella but the most common one that people think of is the white stuff known as cocaine table sugar. aka Sucrose:

It’s our standard disaccharide sugar. It’s got a 50/50 ratio of glucose and fructose.  Glucose, our primary source of energy, is pretty awesome. Like, it feeds our brain. And every cell in our body loves to break that stuff down. Fructose is kiiiiind of okay too. When not presented in an excess ratio, like in, say… HFCS. (Sidenote: there are people who have a fructose intolerance and the stuff is torture to their digestive systems. Not fun.)

Why is that bad?

Fructose only has one place to go: YOUR LIVER. Your liver is the only place that fructose can be metabolized. When it’s working on the fructose, your liver has no fucks to give about anything else. So while this is not a behavior unique to our humble sugar, let me ask you a question. Be honest now: Isn’t your liver getting enough abuse as it is?

Personally, I’d rather save the bodily abuse for a more worthy substance, like a fresh pint.

So last week was the last week of class. During which, we got to talk about the nervous system. We were discussing brain function when the standard questions started popping up: what’s the deal with strokes, capacities for language, concussions, etc etc. I wanted to know more about the link between strokes, handedness and recovery rate. It’s a factoid I only vaguely remembered hearing about: lefties have better success. My uncle is making gains in his own recovery, but they’re ever so small. And he’s a lefty. So am I. This is perhaps relevant to my interests.

Teach didn’t know. She gave it to the class as extra credit.

GOOGLE CAT, WHAT DO YOU SAY???

Based on amateur internet reading, it seems there is no definitive statistic relating handedness to recovery rate. However, the important thing to note about lefthandedness is this: there is a higher chance for cross-lateralization of language function than that of a right-dominant person. While righties’ language centers are predominantly found in the left hemisphere, lefties can share language activity across both hemispheres.

So, when a person suffers a stroke, leaving one hemisphere of the brain traumatized, a person who has some of that hemisphere’s functioning programmed into the other side… well it stands to reason that that particular function would be less impaired. Whether or not it affects true recovery speed is unknown, but effects of the stroke are less severe.

Nutshell. In it. That.

Today’s question is brought to you by a friend in training for the Army Ten Miler in DC:

Q: I’m looking for good back strengthening exercises… any recommendations?

A: Hip/glute bridge

You’ve probably seen this one in a gym or yoga/pilates class. It’s not exactly top secret, but it’s very effective, versatile, and safe. In fact during my observation hours, it was probably the most common exercise that I saw recommended to the 60+ back pain population.

Feel the burn

Here’s the movement: from the starting position (on your back, knees bent, feet drawn in), contract your abs, lift up, come down. That’s basically it. 10-15 reps per set.

Modifications include but are not limited to: holding for 0-5 seconds in the contracted position, lifting with one leg in the air, having your legs up on a physio-ball as the start position, flexing your feet such that you are lifting on your heels (isolates the glutes), only lowering halfway down and pulsing, etc etc.

Key points: squeeze glutes at the top, and don’t over-extend. You only need to go high enough so that your chest, hips, and knees are in a straight line.

Why it can feel awesome: This move causes a gentle stretch of your hip flexors which, if you’re sitting down all day, can get a bit tight. Yes, even at our age.

Why it can be OMG WHY IS THIS HARD: No matter the exact “version” of this exercise you do, it recruits from multiple muscle groups. We’re talking glutes, paraspinals, lower back, and the larger stabilizing abdominals.

So how’d I do? Okay? Want me to answer more questions in a way that in no way substitutes for actual health advice because you should always consult a professional? If so, you know where to find me.

Ignoring the part where that’s not the primary job description, let’s review something: proper workspace ergonomics. You may think it’s super square, but there’s a reason why there are “specialists” who get hired to come in and fix your workspace. And they make wads of green doing it. Must be something to it, yeah?

[Obligatory disclaimer: a report's been circulating around the web & news cycle the past few weeks about how it's super bad for your general health to sit for long periods of time. The story seems to resurface every few years as new research comes out. Latest round pertains to risk for heart disease. So keep that in mind while you work, kiddies. Take standing breaks, stretch, go for a stroll, etc etc.]

The Magic Number

The only number you need to know here is 90. As in degrees. Knees, hips, and elbows. 90 90 90. Feet too. It’s kind of self explanatory. See helpful photo below.

Nice posture, nerd

Whether you’re at a corporate job, or perhaps a self-employed “artiste” toiling away in a chair all day, I bet you have adjustable armrests. Adjust them! Give that pneumatic pump a lil’ squeeze and fix your seat height. Your wrists should be straight, lest you wish for carpal tunnel

Screen Height

The top of your screen should be right at your eye-line. Which sucks if you’re using a laptop, but if you’ve got the luxury of a monitor, that’s where it should be. Otherwise you get into positions that, over time, put a lot of strain on your neck. This may not seem like a big deal, but your lover friend/work friend/random stranger may not take too kindly to repeated requests for a neck rub. Avoid the awkward. Adjust the screen.

Lumbar!

The back of your chair is meant for just that: your back. Don’t do that thing I do, where I’m always leaning forward hunched over. Because then you’ll try and get out of bed one morning, and your whole back’ll go into breath-limiting spasm, and you’ll lie there staring at the ceiling, wondering how 26 could feel so old.

True story.

So,  If you’re sitting in a chair for 40+ hours a week like this:

then you shouldn’t be surprised if you end up like this:

Happy sitting!

Carnival was last weekend, aka the real homecoming at the ol’ alma mater. It’s a joyous occasion for alumni. You get to see friends you haven’t seen or talked to in at least a year, and yet you still get along as if not a single day has passed since dorm-room shenanigans. You pick up right where you left off.

The dynamic is the same, but the details are different.

We’re growing up.

Some already have their masters degrees. Others have passed the bar. Turns out I know more future doctors than I thought, busting their humps through med school. Friends are getting engaged, married, and yes, pregnant. Holy crap can we please press pause for a second. Weren’t we just playing icebreakers at orientation?

Lots of people, lots of changes. This is today’s buzz word: change. How much of it is possible, and how much of it matters?

One of my best friends from freshman year is now a devout catholic. She and her now-fiance are going down that road, discovering a faith they previously did not possess. I vaguely knew this was happening, but I didn’t quite understand the extend to which it would affect her lifestyle. It was kind of strange to see, over Carnival weekend, such an ideological change. Do we agree on certain big-ticket issues? Maybe not anymore. But does it really matter? She’s still the same quirky crafty artist who I’d go frolicking in the snow with. Her conviction and passion for life is the same. The way she throws herself behind new ideas is the same. The earnestness with which she cares about people… the heart… that’s the same. You can dress it up all you want, but the person underneath is unchanged. Only the details are different. By that virtue, I’ll always be proud to call her a friend.

Situations arise, conditions may change, but if you’ve made a friend in life, ultimately those differences should not matter. If you’ve made that connection, a true connection, then you inherently know the best of someone. You may also know the worst. But, when it comes to that level of bond, if you know the best… then maybe that’s all you need to know.

Our noses get assaulted every day by unwanted odors. Even at home. Like: I’m sitting here checking my email, avoiding productivity, and I’m noticing that something smells kinda bad. It’s not the guy down the hall cooking something gnarly. It’s not even my neighbor lighting up a bowl again. No no, it’s even worse. It’s…. me. I picked up a side of Starbucks stench with my afternoon latte. And I got to thinking, you know, there’s a lotta crap in this city that smells pretty bad.

1. STARBUCKS STENCH – I feel bad listing this first, because I do enjoy the service Starbucks provide me. Which is namely, convenience and consistency. If I want a good cup of coffee, I’ll go independent (better brew). But a quick & comfortable Chai? Starbucks, you’re my man. But you come at a price. Every store looks the same, and every store smells the same. The same burnt coffee frappa mocha tazo chino dregs mixed with the smell of money. How can coffee beans themselves smell so good but all together it’s just one giant caffeinated fart?

2. COFFEE BREATH – Speaking of coffee. People drink a loooot of it. Everywhere. It’s awesome. But has anyone ever had that boss on their fifth cup, and it’s 3pm, and they’re leaning in, way too close to your desk, peering over your shoulder, literally breathing down your neck? You know you have. You know you’ve reached for your box of mints with the delicate-yet-desperate implication, WOULD YOU ALSO LIKE ONE SIR OR MADAM.

3. TRASH DAY – There were two weeks this winter during which the trash guys couldn’t pick up the trash. There was just too much snow. The sidewalks of residential Manhattan were lined with 5 foot high walls of TRASH. The first week? That was was fine. The snow was essentially keeping everything on ice. But once it started to thaw… man oh man. I almost thought I was in Jersey.

4. SUBWAY ROT – Sorry to say, but I smell this most often in Brooklyn. It’s that super acidic necrid “I wonder if somebody died in here” smell. Makes my hair stand up. Sometimes it’s on the platform while you’re waiting for the train, which only makes you wonder if some unfortunate track worker was playing daredevil with the third rail. Sometimes it’s that blessedly empty subway car in the middle of an otherwise packed train. (Word to the wise: there’s always a reason why it’s empty, and that reason is usually passed out on the corner bench.) And sometimes it’s just a mystery to contemplate as you practice how small of an inhale you really need to survive.

5. SHAKE SHACK – Finally, something perhaps a bit controversial. Similar to my beef with Starbucks (pun INTENDED), I love what Shake Shack delivers to my belly. But if I’m not eating it and I’m walking by minding my own business, possibly eating a waffle or sippin’ on a smoothie… the greasy burger fumes blast me in the face every single time and it’s just a little much. ‘Nom sayin?

So yeah. Those are my top 5, New York. Did I miss any?

Some of y’all know I’m not exactly a voracious reader. I used to be, in my wee nerdling days of yore, before the advent of the internet, friends, and a suspected case of adult-onsed ADD (if such a thing exists).  Last year, I may have read 3 or so books. Two of them being part of the Dragon tattoo franchise, so I don’t even think that counts.

So this January, when a friend instigated a mass email calling for a bookclub, I said sure why not. I’m always looking for ways to appear like a productive and intelligent human. It was decided then that we would read “The Corrections” by Jonathan Franzen. Sweet! A real book.

I’m not used to reading real books. I haven’t read a real good book in a long time. And I don’t mean good in the sense of “I like it.” I mean… this book infuriates me. It makes me laugh. It makes me roll my eyes. It makes me want to throw it across the room. I’m invested.

Weird.

I’m not used to being able to talk to people about books. At the clinic where I intern, there’s one therapist that I’ve been having a harder time getting to know. We just don’t naturally jive on that personal level. But just the other day, I saw this very same book on his desk and I said “Hey want to see something funny?” and I pulled my copy out of my bag. Lo’ and behold, we had an engaging conversation.

Awesome.

I’m also not used to books that seem to tap into my brain. My illiterate brain that doesn’t know how to put words to ineffable shapeless blobs of confusing feelings. But that’s why good writers are paid to do what they do. They are able write the common experience. Even in cases where it’s not common, the mere act of making it available to readers inherently makes it feel that way. Like you’re not the only one, because at least this one other dude thought of it:

“And when the event, the big change in your life, is simply an insight—isn’t that a strange thing? That absolutely nothing changes except that you see things differently and you’re less fearful and less anxious and generally stronger as a result: isn’t it amazing that a completely invisible thing in your head can feel realer than anything you’ve experience before?… And it comes to you that this is what it means to love life, this is all anybody who talks seriously about god is every talking about.”

Truth.

I mean, come on. For anyone who’s gone through a traumatic ordeal and come out the other side, is this not what happens? I thought it was just part of being un-sane, but no. Apparently it’s a thing. 2010′s trendiest author says so.

So yeah. Books are cool. Who knew.

A co-founder and senior writer over at Salon.com decided to give NaNoWriMo a boost in publicity by slamming the November tradition.  Her main thesis seems to be that just because there are some overly enthusiastic (slightly delusional) authors out there who sent their novels to query on December 1st, aka the second they finish their 50,000th word, the entire effort is worthless.

That’s like saying we may as well scrap American Idol because of all the bad karaoke acts that get past the screening process. But a) that show sucks for other reasons, b) it’s still entertaining, and c) without American Idol we’d be short one Kelly Clarkson. Don’t take away my Kelly. I’ll cut you.

But seriously. Laura Miller asks her readers:

Why does giving yourself permission to write a lot of crap so often seem to segue into the insistence that other people read it?

IT DOESN’T!

Here’s my question: what ever happened to “enlightenment is in the journey and not the destination”??

Because I will tell you something. As a non-writer, I feel a little assaulted by Miller’s generalizations. You want to know why I do NaNoWriMo? Last year, it was was about giving myself a positive goal to work towards in the midst of some quarter-life crisis turmoil. This year, it’s about giving myself structure and learning how to be diligent again. I’m trying to un-atrophy my smart cells.

(This is what a plushie toy version of a brain cell looks like)

I also feel offended at this chick’s scorn for writers who claim that they don’t have time to read. As if readers are the crème de la crème and should have ticker tape parades in their honor. Guess what, I only read 1-3 books a year, tops. 2010’s been a great year in that I’m already up to book #3. Guess how many I read in 2009?  ZERO. I think…. yup. Sounds about right.

Why the uptick then? It was precisely within one hour of beginning NaNoWriMo 2009 that I realized, hey, I forget how quality writing actually works. As an avid TV and Movie enthusiast, I kept seeing my story in scenes and snippets, and had no idea how to make them come across on the page.

That’s right, kids. Writing can teach someone the value of reading. What a concept!!

So in conclusion, I tell my fellow non-writing barely-reading wrimo’s to take heart. I am with you. NaNoWriMo is a tool. It can be a means to an end. It can be an exercise in patience. It can be merely a hobby.

It’s whatever the crap you want it to be.

Now. Go forth and waste your time merrily!

They’re probably related to the positive/negative status of one or more of the following:

• Employment
• Relationships
• Bank account
• Health

Maybe you have an amazingly great squeeze and superior booty physique, but if you hate your boss, your soul might just die a little bit every hour you spend at work. Or maybe you’re one of those mutant aliens who enjoys a corporate life. In this scenario, you’re growing weary of spending every night cuddling with your body pillow, which you’ve started having actual conversations with and now affectionately call Steve.

It’s a tough gig, making sure you’ve got all four major life happy-making squared away.

Personally, my biggest woe these days is Item #1: employment. I’m not currently employed. I used to be! I didn’t like my job, and when they showed me the door (to save a few $$$), I was thankful. BUT. Now I’m faced with questions. Questions like, “What else is there in life?” and “What do I want to accomplish?”

Whether you’re unemployed or just unsatisfied, chances are, you’ve asked yourself those dangerously large questions. Enter the doldrums.

In an attempt to rid yourself of these existential woes, perhaps you do what I do: spend an average of 60 hours/week (in addition to hours spent at a real job perhaps?) thinking up ~576 alternate career paths.

The cycle goes something like this:

1. THE MOMENT OF BRILLIANCE

Angels sing, clouds part, and a lone ray of sunshine meant for you and only you hits your face! EUREKA! You will start a vintage bottlecap collection. You will become the next “IT” blogger who achieves fame off of his/her weirdo hobby. You will be the greatest human ever. It’s so easy! Best of all, you will make metric butt-tons of cash. In fact, you’ll be so successful that you will build a vault à la Scrooge McDuck. You’ve always wanted to swim in a pool full of dubloons.

Bam, armed with direction and hope, you:

2. “RESEARCH” aka INTERNET

Your initial rush of adrenaline fades as you realize within the first hour that (a) there’s already a bottlecap blogger and (b) you’re a terrible writer with no real affinity towards bottlecaps. Subsequent hours are spent researching how to be the world’s greatest [INSERT CAREER HERE]. But you can’t even focus on researching what [CAREER] is for more than 10 minutes at a time.

Five hours, three dozen pages on Craigslist, and two intense rounds of Plants vs. Zombies later, you start wondering if you’re cut out for any kind of success at all.

So now is the final stage:

3. FEAR & DOUBT

Fear has set in. The world is scary. You’re starting to feel old at the ripe age of 25. Any new career or school you try for will probably leave you broke until 30. Which is a terrifying number. You have adult-onset ADHD and have killed the last of your smart-cells with that bottle of red you opened up halfway into your internet searching.

You’ll probably end up living in a box on the street.

Which, let’s face it, is preferable to moving back to your mom’s house. Faced with that inevitability, you recommence your soul internet searching.

Lather, rinse, repeat.